We started to walk to the deep dark river.
We arrived and there were some white fluffy
sheep staring at us. As my brother set up I
waited knowing that about 8 sheep were just
constantly looking at us. My brother found
a eel in the river he tried to catch it but
he failed. I jumped to on a rock but as soon
as I did I regretted it.
I jumped… My hands gripped to the long grass that
were hanging down. My feet and calves were in the
deep eel infested water. I cried I screamed. I could
feel the currant pushing against my calves and feet.
I knew as long as I did not let go I would be alright.
One of my brothers came running to help me. He grabbed
my arms and he pulled me up.
I sat down in total shock not even crying just thinking
about what could've happened. I just started to play with
the hard rough dirt. I slowly climbed up to the top of the
small hill. I looked at the river. Thankfully we started to
head back home.
Our classroom was writing about a time when you were scared.
What I enjoyed was making my writing interesting and descriptive.
What I found Challenging was thinking of what to write about.
Hello, Larz.
ReplyDeleteMy name is Emerald and I am a fellow student in your classroom.
I found euphoric interest to the story, it was cohesive and unexpected. I think you could work on punctuation a bit. There are gaps in the writing I feel could be filled out with punctuation. I learnt that you have experienced near-death. Did the situation frighten you as much as told in the recount?